Hypersubjects Read online

  Ainsley Komper

  Hypersubjects

  Amazon Kindle 2019

  Copyright © 2019 by Ainsley Komper.

  All rights reserved.

  This book may not be reproduced in part or in its entirety, nor stored in a retrieval system, nor transmitted in any form or by electronic, mechanical or other means without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may cite brief passages in a review.

  Table of Contents

  LARK 4

  CIANA 27

  TARAN 47

  BRAITH 67

  MERCY 86

  VELIA 108

  THIAGO 127

  IKER 150

  ADAM 171

  LILI 194

  LARK

  It was difficult for him to turn his back on something like binaural stimulation. After his first dose, he was completely hooked. His addictive personality makes him borderline obsessive, almost insanely attached to the object of his affection. These can include tobacco, marijuana, cocaine, MDMA, gambling, sex parties, etc. But somehow, in a peculiar way, he had the ability to stop at some point, look at himself and feel disgusted by the whole situation. It was in that moment of realisation that he could finally have a sense of the bigger picture, feel ashamed about himself, and run. However, the cycles repeated over and over with all their phases, including a new direction for his so-called career, a detox, new friends, and new diets, only to be found with another addiction filling that void. Some friends have pointed out the cyclic pattern, but there he was again and again. It was also difficult for him to be admitted to supporting groups due to the specific nature of each one of them and how little he identified with all of those addictions. Also, he feared therapy. Revealing a big part of himself to a complete stranger was not something he felt comfortable with. Besides, it had never worked in the past as it always led to misunderstandings like when he detailed his condition a few years ago.

  How he perceived life was different from the rest of the world but there was no way that a child could have known what was actually normal if he had no other point of view besides his own. After accidentally talking to a couple of kids about the subject, he started to realise that what was happening inside his head was not ordinary, so he checked with the school counsellor. The session did not go well, so he learnt to hide it from everyone else, including his family. The counsellor told him it was all a product of his imagination, a need to escape the absence of a father figure and siblings. Years passed by until he stumbled upon an article which described what he actually was: A synesthete. It was not a big deal but still rare enough not to be mainstream and only affecting a considerably small portion of homo sapiens. Synesthesia is not a disease but a condition which has several varieties. His was named “Sound to Colour” and it seems that many of his kind are artists, musicians and creators. He had never thought to become one of them but felt honoured to be part of such a kind, so he started to register in online groups and forums related to the subject. Sound to Colour Synesthesia generates automatic responses on his brain from certain sounds. These responses are translated into visual impressions like splashes of single or multiple colours in different shapes. Some of them appear like a general filter to his field of vision, similar to when wearing red or blue tinted sunglasses. Others were halos, faded semi-patterns and visual manifestations of the like. What is more, they were sometimes not even colours themselves but sensations on his mind related to them. It can be difficult for a synesthete to describe their inner visual reactions. For him, they flowed so naturally that he never thought about analysing them, besides, it was not like he lived in a continuous multicolor splashed rainbow. On the contrary, they were more subtle and sometimes he wondered whether they were real colours or just mental impressions of them, but it did not matter as our vision is, in fact, a series of mental impressions of light bouncing from objects to our eyes, except, in his case, his eardrum played a small part as well. Checking what was happening in all of those synesthesia groups on a monthly basis and buying the odd book about it became a habit for him, but he had never felt the need to talk openly with the people around him, until that particular day. He received an email invitation to take part in a two-day study involving only sound-related synesthetes. The trial covered travelling expenses, some meal vouchers and a small fee for the inconvenience. There was something about the whole experience that made him not only feel special and unique, but curious because he never had the chance to meet others like him. He didn’t hesitate and decided to go with it. However, the experience was an entire disappointment because he did not have contact with fellow synesthetes and it was basically a lot of filling in forms, questionnaires and surveys. After a one-hour interview, he had to complete a load of paperwork and the second day started with some tests where he described the colour shades corresponding to certain sounds and, in the afternoon… more paperwork.

  Months later, he met her at a party. After having a couple of drinks, he was texting a friend outside to get directions for the next gathering where they would all be trying a new type of pill. It was too new to be illegal and the rumours about a softer comedown and a longer period of euphoria made it look very promising, if not intriguing. But then it seemed she was expecting him to be there. In a very direct manner, she told him she was not very good at this and that she knew he was on a search, only that he was looking in the wrong places.

  “I’m not supposed to tell you how I found you, but it is easy to figure that out. There is something different that I want you to try, not only for yourself but for a greater cause. You could stay here. Tomorrow, you are going to wake up lazy, knackered, not only physically but emotionally. Maybe you’ll call in sick before starting a new zombie week at work until the next weekend or until you try something silly on Thursday, if you make it sober until then. Tuesday is a safer bet.”

  He thought she was selling something, and as a matter of fact, she was and he had no idea of the price he was about to pay. Lark was almost sure this was about a different drug, perhaps with a bit of sex in the mix. Whatever it involved, she made him curious enough to follow her. Her place was not tidy or particularly clean, which did not give him much confidence. Slowly, she forgot her seductive manners and became more matter-of-fact.

  “This might not work but I am almost 100 percent sure it will”. Before he could reply, she interrupted bluntly, “I have tested it with more than 20 subjects and it always works, just in different ways.”

  After several computers were on, she took the biggest set of headphones he had ever seen. They were almost like a helmet and he recognised them as headphones because of the wire and the jack plugged into a console.

  “Are you a DJ or something?”

  “I love it when people ask that”. She said with a smile and gently pushed him onto a sofa while placing the headphones on him. They were more than noise cancelling, almost like creating a weird compressed airspace around his ears. She spoke to him through a microphone plugged into the console as well.

  “I know we’ve just met but please trust me on this one. What you are about to hear is not music, it is not hypnotherapy or anything like that. I am going to play a binaural track, which means that you are going to listen to different frequencies in every ear. Due to your condition, this will have a different effect than in normal people. Whatever you feel, please do not remove the headphones.”

  She played the track without waiting for his consent. At that moment, he understood why she knew about him being a Synesthete. Unless she was a heck of a hacker and traced him through the online forums, it was because of the short study that she found him. The music or whatever was playing slowly took over all of his questions about her as it became louder, more annoying and perhaps aggressive. He was not sur
e but it started to block his thoughts about anything. With his eyes closed, he tried without success to follow a pattern or a structure in order to make the experience more bearable. It was a series of high pitched notes, crashes, scratches, electric violins, something resembling breaking glass mixed with a mad guitar and an ongoing car crash taking place in the background. Then it stopped, abruptly, and all was peaceful. He did not notice at what time the lights went off. It was pitch black. Did he fall asleep? Lazily, he removed the big headphones and before he could call her, he noticed a strange glow in his hand, in his whole body actually, like a faint silver emanating from random points all over himself.

  “It is better with the lights off, at least at the beginning.”

  Her voice came from the other side of the flat, in a different room, and she asked him gently neither to panic or leave the property. Lark called for her until he saw a similar glow pulsating behind a door. Slowly, he peered behind to find a big, soft flame emanating from a human shape. Confused, he closed the door and decided to look for the exit but the big green flame ran to block him.

  “It could be dangerous if you go outside now, it would be too much to handle, trust me, just breathe.”

  She was the big flame, he could feel it in the dark with that strange glow.

  “I think the best thing for now is to relax on the sofa and do a little experiment.” She said while moving a human-sized mirror in front of him.

  “I want you to breathe slowly and count to twenty in your head while looking at yourself in the mirror. Try focusing on your reflection, if you can see it. Nothing bad is going to happen, nothing bad has happened so far.”

  In the mirror, his own body kept pulsating, but somehow, the more he breathed, the bigger his glow became. It spread out into small threads around the room, but they were not growing, more like revealing themselves into an already present net of fibres that got lost behind the walls. His eyes were accustomed to the dark already so he identified a window. The idea of fresh air made him open it, only to find a night so dark and so luminous at the same time—a sensation his brain could not handle.

  “Don’t look at it.”

  But it was too late, too difficult to ignore. A moving spider web shining among every tree, every house, all coming from himself, from her, and he was seeing it, feeling it, hearing it until a white light knocked him over.

  He was still on her sofa when he woke up. The windows were open and the soft clicking sound of typing on a computer led him to where she was. After coffee, she asked him to be part of a program, which would be more like a full-time job where he basically had to go through experiences like the one he had last night. She was always looking for subjects like him and it was difficult to find them, not only for the peculiarity of his condition but because some of them were not receptive to binaural stimulation. The first time could be scary and confusing, but it would get easier. When he wondered how this actually worked, she went through the whole process describing the way we hear in stereo, where each ear perceives the same sound but in a slightly different way, and it is that difference that locates the sound in space and allows us to identify the direction it comes from. The sounds perceived in each ear through binaural stimulation do not correspond with each other and it was because of that anti-stereo setup that they could, in some cases, trigger the release of certain substances in the brain. In his case, due to the Sound to Colour Synesthesia that affected him, these types of stimulation besides releasing hormones also increased his capacity to project colours in relation to sounds he could barely listen to. This was achieved after years of research—both legal and illegal—on binaural stimulation. The part outside of the law comes from the alleged possibility of getting high from a five-minute exposure to it. It would be a revolutionary drug as it is non-invasive, which is clean and easy to traffic because the files can be sent via a text message or a flash drive, all you need is the right equipment to play it, like the special headphones she has. Binaural stimulation has been used for brain study and medicinal purposes. Unintentionally, some years ago, a synesthete got exposed to it and it opened up a possibility that nobody had considered. It is unchartered territory but a fascinating one and he could be a pioneer. Such an exciting project does not take place in a two-bedroom flat, but before she could introduce him as a suitable candidate to the institute in charge, he needed to be dosed a few more times just to be sure that his reactions are the ones they required. It seemed too big to ignore, too important to walk away from. Far from his small family, few real friends, tired of his career, nothing in his empty life was looking up, but above all, a sense that he could do something meaningful was the primary trigger for him to accept. He spent a few weekends with her before deciding to take unpaid leave, and during that time, she allowed him to go outside after having the binaural sessions. Not only did he feel as though he was connected to everything, but he felt like every living organism was linked to each other in an overwhelming net of beating links. After his third dose, he started to slowly fall asleep instead of abruptly passing out and, progressively, the small naps turned into five-minute breaks when he was fully conscious. He signed a confidentiality agreement before being taken into the Research Institute of Biomedics, a division of Tecnium XG, a Pharmaceutical Corporation located in the perimeter of the city without being too far. Over there, her attitude changed and she was more protective over Lark. It was like he was her discovery and she somehow had rights over him. She was now Dr Meckler instead of Lili. Going there felt like a job to him as he was arriving every day at the same time, punching hours with his personal pass and he had to follow an organised schedule. Nevertheless, he had never enjoyed a job so much in his life. After having a light breakfast and reporting to a physician, he went for his morning dose which was different from the one he listened to at Lili’s flat. These ones were louder, more intense, almost piercing sounds that hurt his ears a bit. The headphones were lighter with a glow of sophistication, contrary to the semi-steampunk appearance the first ones had. During his first days, he was allowed to wander around in a park nearby to feel the effects of the dose, and he described everything in a recording app to be analysed by a team of experts later on. Some days, he had to wear lots of wires glued to his chest in order to get heart readings. Other times, his body went through CAT scans after being dosed and also lots of blood samples were taken from him. He was aware he was a lab rat but it did not matter as a strange happiness took over every day after his job was done.

  Things got more exciting in the second month when he was tested on his physical performance. After a new track of binaural stimulation, he was asked to run on a treadmill, jump and even lift weights. Every day, the track changed and his marks were completely different each time until he could feel the grade of his stamina before he was tested. The real fun turned out to be the field tests which were like war-game operations. Based on the information given by him in each one of the recorded descriptions and in every stamina test during several weeks, the team designed the perfect track not only to enhance his physical capabilities but his sense of connection with the world around him. The tests were similar to the paintball games he attended with his cousins when he was a teenager, minus a gun loaded with ink pellets. He could never get used to the post-dose feeling as it was a fresh sensation every single time. The initial tasks were designed so he could retrieve an object from a building, a house, and a field. There was a team of people trying to block him from succeeding and they progressively, day after day, grew in numbers, skills and equipment. What they ignored is that he was able to feel them, even behind solid walls. He could recognise those pulsating big luminous knots tagged to every human being, all similar but different in colours and shades. Besides advanced detection skills, his reactions and reflexes improved, his movements were faster, his flexibility became equivalent to that of a consummate yoga practitioner and his strength grew to scary levels. He was the only one with no weapons or aid whatsoever, no equipment, helmets or padding, unlike the mig
hty opponents. Of course, many times he was captured so he had to make a note of his failures. A tactics advisor was assigned to him and he started to notice Lili’s jealousy. Several months after the program started, Lili asked him for a drink one Friday night. She was happy with his progress but it was obvious to him that something was bothering her. It seemed there were two separate agendas and the one about enhancing his physical condition had taken over. However, for her, it was more rewarding to delve into the intricate paths inside one’s brain. She asked him kindly to help her and to spend time with her on the weekends. In exchange, she offered to give him something extra. Lili knew he was into forbidden substances and some doses could resemble those illegal chemicals. Of course, she had not shared that information with the institute so far and had no plans of doing so. He felt slightly offended but also scared to realise how well she knew him. Until now, he did not feel the need to fill that void with any of the usual stuff and that in itself was strange, but having someone else pointing it out was even more disturbing. After he tried to walk out, she apologised but insisted on the extra sessions some Saturdays, not every single weekend and only one session. Discretion was essential for her, which intrigued him. After all, he assumed that they were all in the same boat, but as the days passed, it was clear that his sessions were focused on super soldier training.

  When going to her flat, he remembered all the developments from his first time there and how something that started as a fun experiment was now taking a completely new direction. Wondering what they actually wanted from these doses started to worry him but he decided to leave those thoughts for Monday. After placing the old helmet-sized headphones on him, Lili was about to play a track but she paused and apologise again for the insinuation on Friday. He admitted she was right, he was a junky and probably still is as he gets a fix from all this. Her research was very important to Lili and sometimes, in this industry, it is difficult to balance what you actually want to pursue and what the funding is really for. There she was, like a mix between a doctor and DJ, dealing with wires and observation charts. “With most of the doses you have received, the experience of perception in your brain has been enhanced but not finessed. They are mostly interested in the release of hormones in a non-invasive nature. Hormones that help your body to be more effective physically. What I want to do now is go back to your brain and work on those perceptions.” She pressed play to fill his ears with acute sounds in one side and deep bass in the other. Suddenly, the sounds jumped from left to right. Those exchanges were more frenetic and rapid—like a chase—until they remained in one ear, still and stronger, even unbearable. Lark ended up exhausted. Gone were the days that he needed recovery time, but these tracks were different, he was tired already. Lili gave him some water and the tests began. He thought they would be more like memory tasks when she started handling a deck of cards.